I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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