he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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