This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
