Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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