Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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