I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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