A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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