I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
