I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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