Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
organizing the empties. That sober.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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