dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
