I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
