Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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