this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
