So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
