Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize