It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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