Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
