o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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