If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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