Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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