first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
