the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize