we're blogging at a bar
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
