i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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