I just threw up on my dentist
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
