Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
