We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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