I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
