Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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