Screwed.edu
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
