yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
