I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
