I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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