C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
