Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize