the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
