Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Randomize
