your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
