dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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