it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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