something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
