Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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