You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
