And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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