I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
