she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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