I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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