Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
