just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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