my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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