my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
barbara walters just said penis...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
