Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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