We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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