So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You smell like stripper and shame
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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