I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
