Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
