Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
