i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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