I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize