he puts the penis in happiness.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
