she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
