I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
zippers are such a cool invention
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
