If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
accomplished twins. life is a go
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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