Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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