I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
