is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
